The problem isn't time. Most men never learned to maintain friendships without a shared context like school or work holding it together. When that scaffolding disappears, so do the friendships.
i try to keep tabs on restaurants opening around me, and if one has something interesting, i text pretty much every friend i have if they want to check it out with me
only a few respond each time, and only about half the time one or two can make it out, but over time eventually all of them do
There’s actually already an app for that, and I’m not even joking.
edit: I was going to link a specific one I found a few weeks ago, but it turns out there are tons of them now, so I’ll just explain the idea. Most of these apps are basically reminder tools disguised as simple little games. A common example is a flower garden. Each “flower” represents a friend, and you keep the flower alive by staying in touch. That might mean sending a message or planning a hangout. If you don’t, the flower wilts, just like a real one would without care.
I don't have time for that. I'd rather pay the subscription fee so that the AI will be friends with other people on my behalf, thus freeing me up to grind, gym, and golf.
I think inadvertently found some insight on this. I’m typical and have failed to maintain friends over the years. As an old dad who’s spent a lot of time at kids parties talking to men; men just aren’t that pleasant to talk to. Best case is we’re opinionated, myopic, closed off. Worst case ignorant and obnoxious.
I am lucky not to have friendship struggles; I have a vibrant social circle with close male and female friends. I talk with my male friends more often, but the conversations are not very meaningful. For most of them, it is hard to break through and have talks that require vulnerability. I don't know why.
In contrast, my close female friends are great in this regard. They are open, empathetic, and kind. The conversations I have with them often leave me feeling a stronger connection. They are far more substantive.
And yes, some of my male friends are ignorant and hold (IMO) ugly opinions.
Since I've had kids and moved cities, I have basically zero friends. I have a two friends about 40 minutes away but we're all too busy with kids and work to meet up more than really once a year. Having young kids really changes your social life in a way I wasn't entirely prepared for. I have no time left for anything other than family and work.
You don't need to see them to maintain a friendship, no? One of my friends moved a couple hours away and has two kids under the age of four. We still talk regularly, both text and video calls. He comes back to the city a few times a year for work and we grab beers when he does.
We have a free Slack workspace where a few of us keep in touch and share things. It's pretty active.
It's really hard to discuss this without making overly broad statements.
For my personal expense, I have found a lot of men view other men as competitors to be guarded against. You can't begin to work with the building blocks of trust and communication without getting past that first barrier. So we often just stop at the gate.
only a few respond each time, and only about half the time one or two can make it out, but over time eventually all of them do
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“What you see at fight club is a generation of men raised by women.”
― Fight Club
edit: I was going to link a specific one I found a few weeks ago, but it turns out there are tons of them now, so I’ll just explain the idea. Most of these apps are basically reminder tools disguised as simple little games. A common example is a flower garden. Each “flower” represents a friend, and you keep the flower alive by staying in touch. That might mean sending a message or planning a hangout. If you don’t, the flower wilts, just like a real one would without care.
I am lucky not to have friendship struggles; I have a vibrant social circle with close male and female friends. I talk with my male friends more often, but the conversations are not very meaningful. For most of them, it is hard to break through and have talks that require vulnerability. I don't know why.
In contrast, my close female friends are great in this regard. They are open, empathetic, and kind. The conversations I have with them often leave me feeling a stronger connection. They are far more substantive.
And yes, some of my male friends are ignorant and hold (IMO) ugly opinions.
We have a free Slack workspace where a few of us keep in touch and share things. It's pretty active.
For my personal expense, I have found a lot of men view other men as competitors to be guarded against. You can't begin to work with the building blocks of trust and communication without getting past that first barrier. So we often just stop at the gate.